You have broken my heart... all that is left is for it to bleed and cry

first posting in a long long long time

2009-06-14T04:53:00.003+08:00

okok i noe everyone been asking me about my blog and updating it blah blah blah. haha so i like finally update for the benefit of u guys who actually rite my blog. ba happy i posted someone . hhaa of and 2 day i stead with some one i love !!!!!!!!!!!!! jackson my cute cute cute CUTE penguin hehe . OK SO I UPDATED AR can't say that i never did. meow looking for to the camps? haha now is like 5am le so i think i not goin to blog anymore hahaa ... sad for u guys but oh well. oh and i played audi 2day . nt 2 bad i did nt lose all my skill hehehehe... watch out bong i will win u! and siom3 feels like sims 2? i dun really get the diff . blured out man. ok i am going to stop yapping already. haha nites love ya'll.
p.s this might be the last post in a long time again haha sorry bb

2009-02-24T20:09:00.003+08:00

keane upside down lazy change it haha. haha ezlink look like monkey!

maria says she looks like she is digging her nose.

heather and me hehe

do ray mi ! sadly i am the shortest and the weird thing is that we are not really look at the cam

ok so i had lots of fun in kovan 2day!!!!! like sch was boring but with my fren around if we are boring there is something wrong. ok so we ate at macafe ther at kovan yups then over there we had fun cam whoring so i will let the pics do the talking.

2009-02-16T20:32:00.002+08:00

so yay be happy i brought it back from the dead... so ya slpy like shit but who cares? and u noe wad? 2day for some weird reason everyone keep asking me whens my b'day and when i ask my ex classmates wad my bday was, they sadly dun remember oh well cuz i dun really remember telling anyone when my bday was haha. and from the last i heard , i heard carissa changed blog link lol. time to hunt ! muahahaha! games on! test, cca, tutition, and cate class wad a headache world but with greats frens there is nothing that can't be done. yay back to being high ! ok i think i am very bad i am so going to fail my maths test i was like wad the fuck is this? when i saw the paper then i think everyone is going to get bad marks so i was like screw it and went back to smacking kurt with the ruler u noe the 50cm kind?damn fun ok i am super tired so i think it is long enough 2 be a first time in a long time! yay slpy nites nites ppl muacks love u all!ps i am so not lesbo or gay!

2009-01-05T21:05:00.004+08:00

it is really worth all that?

ever feel like u dun belong? like u are filled into a world of fantasy? many try to deny the fact that they have ever felt that way before. but the truth is, everyone is this whole world has felt this way at least once before. then they think that they have to change the way they behaviour just to be on par or to cope with the fact that they so despo to fit it. but from of all my years of knowing this, i say it is better to be urself, just show urself to the whole world dun be afriad to show urself, cuz once u build a fake mask to be like by everyone, u tend to start liking ur mask to much, that even when u are at home u dun take of that mask, and then u think that u can finally that away that mask, u start to notice that u have forgotten alot about u real life, like what where ur hobbies, who ur true frens are and wad u really loved. then it comes to that stage, it is kind of hopeless to ever think that u can let go of the mask, so u say with it. hoping very hard that ppl will never find out wad is underneath ur mask, all that hurt , love and lost, is this really the way u want to live ur life? to hide behind that mask that u have build to put distance between urself and ur frens. u tell urself is it really worth all that? just to try and fit in?u as urself that qn. all u guys might say that it is worth it now and that u will never lose urself to that mask. that u will not sucuumb to that but wad i learned for that mask is that when u try to break free u are going to have alot more hurt and suffer more then u would have if u did not put on that mask in the first place, ask urself again, is it really worth it all...

2009-01-02T19:05:00.002+08:00

and it is back to sch... sian.... well... of cuz new class mates make new frens, eat, slp, stone, and dream so like ok must think when to make time to make a class blog... sian... must design class blog dunnoe how to design le.... oh well

2008-12-07T22:42:00.002+08:00

omgs... 2day i did the 10k run like wtf my leg was like fking pain lar ... oh well then i got a very bad timing for the run...oh i like freaking woke up at like 4 plus lar see the black guy come in first but also cannot tell which black guy cuz they all look the same to me hahaa i noe i very bad muahaah the i saw waw... this damn fat lady over there still dare run with only a sportbra waw i tell u damn scary lar then she keep running beside me so i faster chiong to get away from here i see her fats jiggles like omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha ok lar i not so bad dun bad mouth here le ahha...so yay 2mw going genting ! anythings u want me 2 buy from klo or gentng pls msg me but i will not reply u guys cuz very ex wor... so ya dun want blog le yay finsh wor!

2008-12-05T21:28:00.001+08:00

sian... 2day some weird person call me then over there say he name is panda.... lol like wad the fk lar i was damn pissed lor like knnbccb lar u call me at least say name lar this kind of fking ppl i cannot tolerate... stupid ppl ur parents give u nice name and u dun want say... so fucking stupid oh well life is like that

2008-11-25T22:42:00.002+08:00

yos long time no post? haha now stuck watching bleach episode 142 i thing... hehe bored like shit oh well ohhhssss yesterday the bbq was fun haha at pearlyn hse then the girls where like doing manicures lol so i also got my nails done but i dun look look with nail polish haha so i got it off haah... sorry phoenicia ... hehe then 2mw i got soccer training going to kallang or something but i dunnoe do wad... haha then also got sing out! yay!!!!!!! but at 7:30pm then start alalame love me doggy woof woof haha ok nth to post le i go watch bleach bye bye!

2008-11-23T21:39:00.002+08:00

bored like hell ! dame hot lor! i noe i very bad never blog in like a million years but i least i got blog rite? hha ok blog finish reading some book called evil harvest damn nice want to see how it ends ok my arm aching cuz do push up then no arm like shit like that. ok blog finish le! i noe short lor

2008-11-02T23:52:00.002+08:00

haiz just to talk to someone i want to talk to , i am going to do somethings that i noe i will regret alot... but i promise le so i cannot back down... but i noe the person i want to tlak to does not even noe that... haha oh well bored so post! smiles!

2008-10-13T19:54:00.002+08:00

ok sadded... i thought 2day no sch so i never go... oh well i hear from my friend that i failed my chinese but like 38 or 40plus so i like i improved so not so bad... then now asking imm joo for my other marks... bb

2008-10-08T12:31:00.002+08:00

WOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EXAMS ARE SO OVER!!!!!!!!
hhaah so i am now like stuck on the rubiks cube thing... haiz so hard! my brain will break!!!!!!!!!!!! then also watching winxs haha i noe childish haha but nice.

2008-10-07T20:55:00.002+08:00

hey long time no blog le... haha so ya... i feel somewad lonely in this fast paced world. like if i close my eyes for a second, i would lose sight of wad is going on the the world... in the world , i feel like crying , shouting... but after a few years i learn that it is better, better to bottle it all up, leave it in the back of my mind... but in the end it would always , and i mean always, find it's way back to the top. i hate it... it is going to break... and when it does... i dun want anyone to be near... i dun want anyone i love to be hurt, not anymore,,,i have always brought nothing but hurt... so when the bottle inside of me breaks, stay as far away as u can ,run, hide, just dun be near... dun love me... i am just trying to protect the ones i love... haha this post is a bit weird i noe haha... but now i feel more alone then i ever was...closing the world around me. wantin to say 3 words but i am unable to. haha omg ok to serious back to being happy wors!!!! haha thk god i dun blog that often so i bet not alot of ppl will see this haha

2008-09-02T21:55:00.001+08:00

YAY holi is here bur have to study cuz i want to get into a good class so ya ... but before that got bbq haha but i 2lazy to blog about it cuz very long le

boring

2008-08-26T21:12:00.002+08:00

i have not updated this blog in a long time... so i will update it i guess... somehow i feel like this past few days that i am slowy drifting apart from my friends...i am now just thinking if i made the rite choice to come to hihs...if i should have gone to sjc...i feel somehow that this class of mine, last time i use to noe who my frens where... now after i changed seating... i feel like all my frens are seeing me as a traitor... i use to be with them doing recess we jked laughed and played... now i just feel like when i sit there , there is something really wrong... like there are somethings that that they use to tell so openly are now kept under the sheets...just cuz i sit with the backstabbers in class does not mean i am one of them...now i just feel like screaming and burst out in tears... but i can't but all i noe now is that i feel so hurt that i am starting to feel numb... this state is very scary... haha... i hope no one who i love and care for has to go through this state...those that i care about and i feel are my closest of friends and Phoenicia , Jeleen , Imm joo ,Janna , Jia Yi, Ming ai, Felissa, Mavis, Vanessa, Wen qi and Amanda...

but now this frens just feel like there is a secret that is blocking us...

2008-08-22T12:57:00.002+08:00

lol sian now in the sch library la haha i ok i gtg maybe i will blog later but for now i will say something. i really hate backstabbers!!! liars and the 2 faced doggy!!!!!!! oh and brian says hi cuz he cannot blog now... gtg for geography!!!!!!!!!!! oh it is now 1pm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-14T22:52:00.002+08:00

super boring... long time never blog le... omg the he teacher siao de make us do alot of research le... then i bought a ear thingy...m i forget was it is called at the moment i will remember later i think?
haha
so like no i am just blogging for craping reseason which i have no idea... boring le... oh well study wor... bb signing off

2008-08-06T21:45:00.003+08:00

poem poem... dun ask me wad the title is but is for mdm divya b'day.

Happy b'day Mdm Divya!

Another year has gone pass,

Oh how time passes by so fast.

Think of the time we laughed and played.

Those were the good old days

Now, sitting by the window,

looking out far and wide

You see your life,

flashing by like the wind.

This is the last time,

we celebrate together.

But like the wind,

I hope we can come back again.

Cannot copywrite le ppl

random...

2008-08-05T19:40:00.003+08:00

so ya... like i never post for a super long time... then in class my seating changed.... sobs... cannot 2 siao ladyies le with phoenicia... meow... anyway i now sitting with peh sok man... fun to ji siao i guess?
ok maybe i will come up with a poem now...

Lovin you

you bring mean into my meanless life...

you bring joy to my sad little die...

you bring tears to my already broken heart...

you though me how to love

then shot me down...

making me fall...

fall from the sky,

onto the hard and rough cement floor

don't teach me anymore...

i beg of you

POEMS FOR THE LOVED, LOST

2008-07-30T20:04:00.003+08:00

a poem a day is love

I am tired

It has drained out all that i have out of me

Fooling me again and again

Making me love you,

then shooting me down.

oh god help me,

Take this awful feeling away

This feeling that is called love

Don't say you love me

It hurts to noe that you,

have been there and shot me down.

pls my god, hear me.

Take this stupid feeling away,

that has hurt me the most,

the one called love.

Pls don't lead me on.

No, not anymore

I have to give you up

Someday we will all leave

and when that day comes,

there will not be anymore tears to shed for you.

By then , i would have moved on

Never look back,

and get hurt again.

Never learning my lesson.

Take this horrible feeling away.

This feeling called love.

BY: Stephanie Lee

2008-07-29T20:13:00.002+08:00

boring day... i think i sit infront of com and stone damn long le... blah blahblah i think i will make a poem...

A little a day

oh how the days pass me by...

when summers come and gone,

we will all still be here having a stone

We all noe that our frens will be here

so come on and lean on them

2008-07-27T21:11:00.002+08:00

yesterday was like super fun i guess? i was at my godpa the house for bbq then was like super tiring looking after the kids...i think they like attacking me with the soccer ball haha the the ball keep going out onto the driveway and matthew have to keep climbing in and out then i climb over the wall to get the ball but to tired to climb back for like 3mins haha then trince was like feeding the toy baby alot of times then have to change the stupid diaper 6 times! stupid rite? haha

2008-07-25T18:27:00.002+08:00

haiz so i never post in a long time blah blah blah... haiz also nothing to post today vomit then the whole weeek i not happy with that apb then still got alot of test until now i damn stressed out haiz lifes just unfair lor... i hate it the ppl i like never like me back de so i just give up le... a quote for the day.... poetry is my life and nth in the world is going to change or make me lose that very impotant part of me...

lol

2008-07-21T19:34:00.002+08:00

damn boring lor...today as per normal boring blah blah blah... eat study talk crap then after sch stress from sudoku see boring rite still ask me to blog so lame

2008-07-20T21:16:00.001+08:00

lol so the pass few days nv blog blah blah blah... also nothing to blog so i dun bother... then like that lor... play com all day and go eat dinner lor...like that only my life damn boring de

i very lazy post le...

2008-07-17T21:47:00.003+08:00

now feel to lazy to post anything... today was damn shit but at least i got make sherphard pie... haha i think spell wrong... but nvm lar... haha then the rest of the day teacher just kao pei lor... then i over there stoning... damn bored SIAN!!!!!!! tmw got geography and sc test... can damn stressed out le... haha... i want smoke... jkjk... so today go sch tuition then go mavis tuition both maths tuition lor... damn sian but before thata got some stupid bus driver dun let us go up the bus cuz we carrying bubble tea like wtf lor...then got some stupid lady thing she big then go scold us but only i gt hear her then u noe wad she say? she said"DUN NOE HOW TO QUEUE UP AR?" like fuck her lar we wait for the fucking bus like 20mins lor then wad about her? only like 5 mins... u noe wad i did? i scolded her wad i think i sad" FUCK U LAR! U THINK U BIG AR? WE WAIT FOR THE BUS LONGER THEN U AND WE SO GOOD GIVE U SPACE QUEUE THEN U SOME SCOLD US! FUCKING RUDE LAR ! PARENT NV TEACH U AR? ASSHOLE!" got some more but i forget le then she go on the bus and stare at me i stare back lor give her middle finger and the fucking bus anuty just drive off so rude...now i 2 angry post le... bb

SEOUL garden

2008-07-16T19:45:00.006+08:00

haha fun day today... i like fall my maths test for the first time!!! haha but i had retest then i got 7 out of 8 haha... then to day we went to seoul garden i dun noe if got spell correct haha... then now is like got smell from there lor... it was damn fun got video so u go watch lor haha...

specs

2008-07-15T21:07:00.002+08:00

sch today was the same B-O-R-ing! 2day end at 1230 but got some stupid moe thingy forget wad is it called le... sorry bad case of stm... haha... then after that i go buy straw to fold star haha...then go back sch for sudoku wahhhhhhhhh! i do the first puzzle then i very stressed out must listen music... haha... then come back just nice before it rained ...so then i go change and go collect my specs ... still not to use to wearing specs but i thing with time it will grow on me or something... haha... so now sitting here stoning thinking wad to write i think stop here for to day lor haha...
cannot wait for tmw to come

Boring day 2 haha

2008-07-12T23:04:00.002+08:00

lalala... i am so bored... lol now like damn sian lor haha... talking to andros wor... then in the morning i went east coast to watch my mom like do a triathtion ... then i eat candyfloss and ice shaving... and i like love andros like alot!!!! haha muacks dear hehe... lala can't wait to meet on monday lala but i still scared to pierce my tongue... lalala... ok lar i dun noe wad to write ler so not going to write anymore haha...

BORing day

2008-07-11T19:54:00.002+08:00

lol! i goimg to type crap lar randpm ppl with random ideas... my hand cram...i make alot of stars haha... like 8straws le haha then it is like damn nice lor... haha...so like 10 of us ppl ,phoenicia, jeleen, felissa, janna, jia yi, amanda , vanessa, tingwei,imm joo, ming ai and dominic where like making it lar for the whole day... then teacher allow lor haha... geography haha... i also want hear story haha (this one only class ppl noe de haha)...haha love u andros! haha

LIKE FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-10T22:44:00.002+08:00

LIKE FINALLY! i noe how to use blog! haha but i update damn slow lor i think i take like about 3 hours lor! haha bt finally! haha now just happy and tired that finish le haha... then 2 day i learn how to fold straw star! and i bought like 3 packs of straw to make it . after making 1 star le my fingers hurt like hell haha ... then 2day spend the almost the whole day talking and msging to andros until batt go flat haha... Babies are so cute! lalala nothing better to do le ... ok like i have to go soon so ya...bb

2008-07-08T14:48:00.000+08:00

haha! ya! i like finally gt over him... haha i now see that he was just a stupid old bastarded that cannot make up his mind ... he is like the most fucked up piece of shit i have ever known like if u like me then y u go stead with her lar wad type of fucking excuse is that sorry to tell u this but kim if someone else also jio ur andy like u did then u are in trouble le haha he will dump u like he did to me so jy... haha... i dun want to steal him back le cuz i dun want to be called a hu li jing hehe... haiz... then today was like damn boring lor... i like looked damn emo today lar... haha... so i got like tuition later so ya... bb!

day out with fam

2008-07-07T21:18:00.000+08:00

so ya like today is youth day and all so like no sch haha ... my parents and i went to marina square to watch hancock haha... then we buy bag for me haha from myuk! haha ... then i got back at 9pm i think? haiz... i want to meet him lor... haiz...then damn sad i want him lor! steal he back i don care le haha... haiz... today like almost faint lor... haha...haiz... i really miss him lor... y must she steal him from me! like wad the hell lar...i very very very much love him haha... she dun see can le... haha... ok lar slp slp...

day at church fun fair

2008-07-06T15:36:00.000+08:00

haiz .... it was ok lar the fun fair... but i like gt burned by the lighter so now like to a scar on my hand... my booth was candle light , it is like you have to shot out the fire witha watergun under 1 min. and if u do it under 10secs we give more points... then got alot of food lor! so good rite?
but i no time eat lor to busy lor... haiz now my stomach grumbling haiz...so sian wor... then they got beer but i 2 young to buy sad hor? then omg gt this stupid fucked up lady go wack my butt cuz she want see the priest get dumped like fuck lar she damn cb she think she go great meh? i then go show middle finger to her lor haha...haiz... ppl pls stop asking me to stead with u ok?... now i really cannot say anything le... y is it that SHE find my blog for? waste time de lor... she want wad already gt wad le

2008-07-05T20:50:00.000+08:00

haiz...today nv sian i got angry at my fren in church lor... haha... they say i look damn scary and cuz it is the first time they got see my angry before... haha... i normally very nice de lor... angry also don't say one... haiz... and ryan asking me if i want to stead with him... haiz... he say he like me for very long le... then don't noe wad he say about being foolish for letting me alot of times or something... haiz... wad is wrong lar... y ryan and terence like me ? so weird lor... not like i pretty or anything lor...haiz.... damn stressed... but the one that i like don't really noe that i am just waiting for him... nvm lor... he make his choice le... 6months of bullshitting haha...

love

2008-07-04T23:40:00.000+08:00

so erm this is my first time really blogging and everything so i kind of noob at this so ya...
today was ok lar i guess...
haha the worst of my fears have come true...
our 6months of love has come to an end... haha 3 nites of no slp cuz i was to worried and slp was all a waste i guess... haha
anyway looks like i have to just give my blessing to them...
and andy was like helping with the blog thingy cuz i really have no idea lor...
he hurt me so much... it is like my heart was ripped out and stomped , burned , cut , dropped onto the floor and cracked before it was returned to where it was to be... haha i learn a very important lesson again...
and that is that u can't never trust anyone...
he says he still loves me but really if u love me why did u pick her?
i am sorry i don't noe how to show u my love , i am very new to this word love, even the dictionary cannot explain... sorry if u had told me i will show it all to u... i have given up hating people... i have gotten to the source of it all and that is me... so i have learned to hate myself... haha... if i had a chance to say and redo everything i would...i would tell him that if there was no him there will be no sun , moon . no darkness no light . just emptyness in my world... thats all i can say i don't noe want to say... cuz i find that there is a saying that actions speak louder then words . i wanted to show u all of it thats the only way i noe how to show my love... that was the only way i was though... but i guess that we can never meet so i can never show it all to you... oh and today some cat followed my sis up home... haha it was damn funny... but i was scared the cat scratch me haha... retarded lor... haha .... i think i cried to hard that my eyes are swollen and pain haha... and now i don't noe y but i feel so numb... like nothing in this world can hurt me anymore... i really love u... haha but it is to no avail... ok lar i need to cry myself to slp le so i have no idea how long that is going to take... take care ppl! haha...signing off